I hate over thinking, it is the worst and it always comes on a low anxiety day causing it to turn into a high anxiety day or an anxiety attack. Usually, I know what caused me to over think. Sometimes it is caused by someone else letting me down, something not going the way I had it planned, wondering what others are saying or thinking about something I said or did, or something sparks it to come out of no where some days. Over thinking also prevents me from saying things I have always wanted to say because of the scenarios developed in my head due to over thinking and my anxiety. This post is one of the things I have been over thinking due to what people may say or think but I need to work past that and say the things that need to be said for me.
Have you ever heard the saying “There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t even jump in puddles for you”? I have and sadly, I need to start incorporating it into my life. I am the type of person who will say “yes” before you even finish asking your question and I am the person who, 99.9% of the time, puts others and their feelings before my own. It took me having our daughter to realize that I need to focus more than that .1% on my own feelings and needs. I needed to start saying “No” and I needed to stop putting effort in crossing those oceans trying to connect to people who only jump in tiny sidewalk puddles to connect with me.
Now, you may be asking what was so hard about saying all that?! Why were you overthinking it? Well, those puddle jumpers aren’t acquaintances or even friends, they are family on both my side and my husbands. Even before children came into the picture I always tried to please everyone. Made sure they received the requested gifts, that they never heard “no”, and I was always the one who started the communication. Now, with children in the picture throughout our family, I feel that all that has been increased because I want to be a part of the children’s lives.
This past week has been super hard on me due to those puddle jumpers. I was crossing huge oceans trying to have conversations with them with not even a drop of conversation back in return. There was a family group message and everyone was responding to it, including those I had reached out to earlier individually. So, knowing they had to of seen my message(s), that was my final straw with the puddle jumpers. I knew I needed to stop crossing those oceans and being the one to start conversations because, to me due to the nature of that family group message, they didn’t see us as important or even family.
My daughter during this week asked me point blankly, “What’s wrong mama?” because I let those puddle jumpers get to me. And those 3 words from her were the sign I needed. Because they are family, I can’t necessarily close the chapter on them like I would say a friend who I had a falling out with. So, I am choosing to distance myself for me and my family because life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. I need to change that 90%. I am going to make that 90% as positive as I can by surrounding myself with people who want to be a part of mine and my family’s life.